I watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown a couple of days ago and it really hit home. It was about vulnerability: letting yourself be vulnerable, showing true emotions when you feel them instead of locking them away, being honest with yourself, and running far away from the concept of perfection. Being raw emotionally, mentally and artistically.
I want to learn to thrive with imperfections and dismiss this constant feeling of needing to be perfect at everything I do. I've always been hyper-competitive. I like to win and I like to win big, no matter the cost. It's kind of dangerous if you think about it because It means when I fall, I hit the ground hard. There's this part of me that knows that I'm constantly breaking my own heart by being a perfectionist. I become calculative and lose all sense of artistic ability. Because I feel like I am not good enough. Constant thoughts of I'm not doing enough. That my being is not enough for the world. So I strive for better and I push harder without realising that greatness lies in imperfect things, imperfect situations and imperfect pieces of art.
I started reading old articles on Diamants au chocolat today, mentally shredding some posts into pieces with fierce scrutiny. Picking at it like a bitter and overpriced salad. I don't want to do that anymore. In fact, I won't. I'm going to allow myself to grow day by day. Make plenty of mistakes and live without fear. I know what that entails now - living fearlessly - It is to be your most authentic self, getting rid of that one little hinderance that we all know as ego (or pride) and giving yourself the chance to be real.
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